That’s Quite the Ego You Have There
The Conscious You
My two boys, Loki and Lugh, are vital parts of my household. At the time of this writing, my dogs are in their 10th year of life. They both have Siberian Husky blood flowing through their veins, and I assure you they have brought plenty of mischief into our home over the years.
While other families have human children, I have what I call my "children equivalent". An old friend once described our household as a "multi-species family". I could not have said it better myself.
On the one hand, my boys are the joy of my life, and on the other they are the bane of my existence. I cannot tell you how many times they have caused me undue stress. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to uncomfortably change how I live just to accommodate them.
Despite the difficulties they have brought with them through the years, the last thing I would ever want to do is to push them out of my life.
As I talk about the ego and the shadow. I want you to think of this kind of relationship. It's not that your ego and shadow are bad in and of themselves so you need to get rid of them. It's just that they cause you difficulties from time to time.
While I might use language such as "overcoming" or "letting go" when talking about the ego and shadow, I'm using that language to convey a momentary dynamic. This dynamic has to be understood in the context of the overall loving relationship itself.
With that being said let's look at your ego and your relationship to it.
Your ego
“Who am I?”
This is the main question the ego constantly tries to answer. The ego seeks to understand how it is related (and how it should relate) to the world around it.
What's your story? Your ego sorts through life experiences and creates one for you
What are your values? Your ego explores your story to find those things worth standing for.
What do you believe? Your ego sorts through possibilities and hangs on to what it deems worthy.
The ego is responsible for making sense of the complex networks of information you have access to in order to simplify it into your identity.
Part of what the ego looks at is not just who you are, but who you are not. The ego is what allows you to differentiate yourself from otherness.
When your ego is healthy, you have a conscious sense of identity that allows you to appreciate and interact with other identities in a life-giving way.
That's a really good thing.
But, from the standpoint of spiritual becoming…
Here's the problem…
The ego is also the source of existential alienation, isolation, and radical othering. It seeks to understand in order to protect its autonomy and to control its environment.
More than likely you've heard someone say. "Labeling people is bad and we shouldn't do it".
Labeling is a good example of how the ego creates your identity. It's simply trying to make sense of its existence through differentiation. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Differentiation, however, becomes division if that which is differentiated isn't also integrated.
This is why contemplative and mystical traditions have a tendency to talk about the ego as if it is your enemy.
Let’s try something
If you would, please do me a favor right now. Take a moment and look at your fingers and palm and notice the different parts for about 5 seconds.
Thank you.
Now, please do me another favor. Look at your hand. This time, don't look at your palm and fingers, look at your hand.
Is there a difference?
Technically no, because it is the same thing. When you look at your hand, however, you see your fingers and palm as integrated parts of it. You see the individual parts but they are not individuated because they are a part of the greater whole.
Your fingers and your palm are not separate from each other, but rather unique expressions of your hand.
Likewise, your hands are not truly separate from each other, but rather are unique expressions of your body.
The tendency of the ego is toward division rather than integration. It leads you to compare yourself with others and to see their difference as somehow lacking or downright wrong.
The ego looks at the various expressions of humanity and breaks them into tribes, the most basic of which is the family unit. With these tribes, there are insiders and outsiders. The insiders are considered safe, and the outsiders are a potential threat.
The ego tends toward imperialist and authoritarian behavior. It seeks conquest. It seeks to subjugate otherness under its own sense of superiority. It ultimately only cares about itself and very little for others.
The ego's vision of love is more of a self-love and an identity as a loving person rather than as a way of being in the world.
The ego consciously dismembers the body of humanity, first by intensifying differentiation within you, then driving you to act in ways that reinforce that differentiation through both words and deeds.
One way to think about it is to say that the ego is on a quest to rend the body of humanity limb from limb in order to powerfully dominate it.
Healing the ego
Contemplative and mystical traditions tend to talk about your ego as your enemy that you need to let go of. I think it's an ironic twist. After all “you” are your ego, which means that “you” are your own worst enemy, and “you” need to learn how to let go of “you”.
About this “letting go” language, however,...
I get it. I think it wonderfully portrays the spiritual task at hand. And it’s not wrong…technically.
However, it reeks of scapegoating to me, which is an unhealthy process in itself.
While I do use “letting go” language because it’s pragmatic, I actually prefer to talk about “healing” the ego instead. I believe the language of healing better honors and appreciates that very human part of you as a person.
Your ego development began when you were a child trying to make sense of yourself in this world. The process of differentiation and division was a necessary part of your development, and it served you well as a child, and even as an adult.
Again, I want to emphasize that it's good to have a healthy ego. The problem is when it becomes unhealthy (or “out of balance”).
The ego simply wants to survive. At the end of the day, it’s trying to keep you safe. One of the ways it does this is through threat assessment. It learns from the wounds it has received through its history and anticipates future danger.
It lives in fear.
I can’t do it.
I’m not good enough.
I have to control them or they will control me.
I’m not worthy.
This is the sound of the ego. It is wounded. Above all things, it needs to heal.
Contemplative & Mystical Realignment
If you don’t know this about me already, I consider myself to be an “armchair mystic”. Contemplative and mystical traditions take a non-dual approach to reality. In the same way that your fingers are unique expressions of your body, for the mystic everything in the universe is a unique expression of the Godhead, the Ground of All Being.
The ego, as the source of alienation, isolation, and radical othering, is what stands in the way of you experiencing yourself and others as unified Divine expressions.
If you would like to heal and transcend your ego, the traditions offer several helpful practices.
In the Christian tradition, you have centering prayer (or contemplative prayer) and labyrinth walking, for example. (You can experience Lectio Divina here if you like.)
In Eastern traditions, you have mindfulness meditation and yoga, as just a couple of options.
I highly recommend some form of practice that is specifically designed to help you bring healing to your ego so that you can experience more fully union and communion with the Divine.
Of course, wrestling with your conscious ego is only part of the equation for spiritual growth. Next week, we’ll wrestle with your archetypal shadow.
Peace, Bo
www.evolvingchristianfaith.net
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