I Knew in My Heart What Was Really Happening
Wednesday Inspiration
A few months ago, I had scheduled an appointment with someone, but they didn't show up. I actually had some very specific things I wanted to talk about in this appointment. In fact, I felt these things needed to be addressed as soon as possible.
While I sat there waiting, I checked my email and phone messages to see if they had sent me some sort of notice. Nothing. Not only were they not showing up, but they didn't bother to tell me that they were not showing up.
After I realized they weren’t going to show at all, I logged out of the meeting (it was online).
I was pissed.
"I knew this was going to happen," I told myself.
I sent them a message. It wasn't a mean or biting email. In short, I simply asked, "What happened?"
The next day, I noticed the message had not been opened. And, the next day, it still had not been opened.
Now, they were obviously blowing me off. I was more pissed than I was 2 days ago.
So, I sent another message to check in again.
This time, they opened it.
No reply.
An hour later, still no reply.
Finally, after a couple of hours, they responded.
They apologized for missing the appointment. They couldn’t make it because they went into the hospital.
My heart sank. I felt terrible.
In my mind, I "knew" what was going on. I "knew" we had entered into a conflicting situation.
I was wrong.
In my mind, I had created a scenario that was ultimately disconnected from my reality. My emotional response to that non-existent scenario fueled and reinforced it.
My brain and my emotions lied to me.
And, I began living that lie.
It wasn't until I listened that I could actually know the truth.
This isn't the first time this kind of thing happened, and it won't be the last. In fact, it happens all too often.
There's no way we can predict the future or truly see what's happening in the life of another. So we do the best we can.
I think it's natural for our brains to go into "worst-case scenario” mode when others disappoint us. It's a fear-based reaction designed to keep us safe.
Maybe the better response, however, might be going into "listen first" mode. Suspend judgment until you've heard their side of the story.
Sitting in my room alone, there’s no way I could have ever known that she had gone to the hospital. In fact, can you really ever know what's going on in the life of another? Can you ever really know what they are thinking or feeling without asking?
Yes, “listening first” mode is indeed a much better way forward. So, the next time someone disappoints you, try asking and listening to what they have to say instead of jumping to conclusions.
Peace, Bo
The Evolving Christian Faith Network
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On Sunday, November 12 from 7:00–7:40 pm (CST), I will host Lectio Divina Online. This event is free and open to the public (so feel free to invite others). However, there is a 20-seat limit, so the earlier you sign up the better.
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