Dealing with People
Making Sense of Other People's Weirdness, Part 1
The hardest thing about being human is having to deal with other human beings.
You know what I'm talking about.
Everybody has their own ideas, their own way of doing things, and they don't seem to want to listen to you or understand what you're trying to do.
When you look out at the problems of the world, quite frankly the solution sometimes seems relatively obvious, doesn't it?
So, why don't the people around you get it? Why can't they see the same thing that you do?
Even though people struggle with shared problems, it feels impossible to come up with a workable solution because everybody’s going in different directions. The next thing you know, everybody's arguing over how to solve the problem and nobody is listening (okay, maybe some people are).
As people with a shared humanity and shared problems, you would think it would be easier to get more people on the same page.
Why is it so hard?
Here’s the core problem
Humans are wired to survive. If we weren’t, we wouldn't be here.
The drive to survive naturally makes us more sensitive to potential threats. The better we are at recognizing them, the better we are at avoiding them and making it through another day.
Remember, your perception is your reality. If you think something is unsafe, your body is going to respond as if it is unsafe. So, if you're lying in bed and suddenly snap awake because you thought you heard someone (a burglar?) in the other room, your heart will start to race as your arousal levels rise. It doesn't matter whether someone is actually in the other room. What matters is that you think there is someone in the other room. You have perceived a potential threat, you go into threat mode.
Threats don't have to be physical. They can include anything that endangers your sense of stability in this world. That means that threats can be ideological or theological.
This brings us to fear of the unknown. When we encounter something that seems foreign to us, we are genetically wired to be cautious. This is why people who look different from you, act different from you, and speak in ways you can't understand get a little extra attention and stand out in your awareness more than those you are used to.
It's natural for people to want to avoid situations, things, and other people who are perceived as potential threats in one form or another.
The common calling
Meanwhile, here’s the irony. The best way for us to survive as a species is to build community. As the saying from the TV series Lost goes, “Live together, die alone”. When we are able to pool our resources and skills, we geometrically increase the possibility that we're going to make it another day. Safety in numbers.
That means we have to somehow get over our differences, insecurities, and fears so we can work together and thrive as a species.
Clearly, this is no easy task. Just look at what’s happening in politics right now.
Arguably, the democratic form of government we have in the United States is one of the best forms of government possible. Its goal is to bring diverse interests together to find common ground and pave a way forward that benefits everybody as best as possible.
When you think about it, this is an ideal governing structure for the human species. It empowers us to do exactly what we need to do to survive and flourish. At its best, it cares for and nurtures everyone’s health and wellbeing in the system.
Unfortunately, we are currently witnessing the rise of an authoritarian spirit, which is primarily fueled by fear and insecurity. We have an extreme right-wing that is responding to perceived threats to themselves with active threats to others. This toxic element has made it clear that they are not interested in participating in a democratic spirit even though they are participating in a democratic structure.
This, I think, is where we see the two poles of the human condition pulling in different directions. On the one hand, there is a fear of the other motivating people to conquer the other to preserve their safety. On the other hand, we have a group of people pulling together to resist an active threat to the whole of the body politic. Both the authoritarian and democratic spirits are motivated by survival.
On the bright side, I think more and more people are recognizing the active authoritarian threat and joining in the common cause for the survival of our democratic form of government. Democrats and moderate Republicans are pulling together and creating a form of community to resist and preserve our democracy.
What's happening in American politics right now is a great example of the common human calling to build community as a survival dynamic at play.
Understanding differences more deeply
Fear is a powerful motivator. Fear of the unknown can be the worst. After all, things may suck where you’re at, but (as the saying goes) “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.
One of the easiest ways to overcome the fear of the unknown is to make the unknown known. Once we can make sense of otherness, it brings us a sense of safety and security. Anything we can wrap our minds around and relate to stops being so scary.
Building human community is all about bringing “others” together. When bringing diverse people together, it helps if you have a sense of what makes others tick. Once you get that sense, it’s a lot easier to deal with them, even when disagreements arise.
Just believing that you “get” someone can create a connection that humanizes them in such a way that you can accept them for who they are, even though they may seem extremely weird to you.
This sense of “getting” someone is true human connection. And the fruit of this human connection is true human community.
This month I want to look at some ways to help you understand other people better so that you can connect with them better and appreciate them for who they are a little bit more.
I hope you join me on this journey. Hopefully, this kind of knowledge and insight can make your world a little less scary on a day-to-day basis. After all, you can probably imagine what it would be like if all the strange people—the strangers—around you started to make more sense.
Peace, Bo
www.evolvingchristianfaith.net
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Credits
Thanks to NightCafe for the cover art